May 4, 2010
A year later and I have found myself in the same spot I was in right before graduation: waiting to hear back from Thodos about a company position.
Well…I’m not in the EXACT same spot as I was last May I suppose. I’m a year wiser and have had many new life experiences. Above all else, this past year has made me eternally thankful for all I have been given, be it in the dance realm or in life.
I’ve always been a believer in, “if you work hard things will come to you,” but sometimes working hard is not the only deciding factor. Sometimes it’s being at the right place and the right time; sometimes it’s by the flip of a coin (seriously, it’s happened); sometimes it’s based on if you made a better first impression than someone else; and sometimes it’s just fate. The point is, you never know when good things will happen to come your way and you have to remain humble and thankful. I’ve learned this.
Many things have happened since my last update.
The Thodos 2009-2010 season ended with my best show of the year. I re-auditioned for the company (won’t hear back til May 15 so don’t ask until then, please). I’ve been applying for teaching jobs around the city and its suburbs and have for sure landed one. I have not gotten further than creating my home page on my website…mostly because the photos haven’t been showing up and I’m frustrated about that...and also because I no longer have down time (hence why I have not done an update in months).
I am still working on my photography but I haven’t uploaded any photos in a while. Most of my work has involved shooting the photos for Molly Etsy page. I have been taking some nice summer shots of the city, as well.
On a completely unrelated topic I met a guy. He’s phenomenal. I’m happy. He lives in St. Paul…I live in Chicago…bummer. This, however, is not the forum for such topics.
My upcoming travel plans: I leave for NYC this weekend to audition for the Madison Square Garden Christmas Show and to visit my brother. I will also be making my way home for Memorial Day weekend AND for Rock the Garden. Happy times!
I guess that about does it. I’ll make sure to let y’all know the out come of all of my past and future auditions. Until then!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Chapter thirteen
February 21, 2010
I like to think of myself as an artistic individual…that I lead an artistic life. By this point you all know that I dance for a living or rather am attempting to do so (artist point #1) and that I take pride in being a music snob (artist point #2). What you may not know is that I also like to dabble in the fine art of photography.
I don’t remember when I started taking photos but I do remember when I started thinking of it as an art form. It was my sophomore year of high school when I took my first photography class. It was such a cool class! Learning how to load the film into the camera; reading the light meter; developing and washing the film hoping to God you didn’t accidentally expose it to light; spending countless hours in the darkroom playing with exposure times. Ahh! SO COOL! Point and shoot cameras became a thing of the past, my new love became the single lens reflex. Even now, in the digital age, there will never be anything more intimate than working with a fully manual film camera.
But I digress.
My infatuation with photography was born. I asked for my own SLR for my birthday/Christmas present that year. Santa brought it to me. It was a happy day. However, after my photography class ended and I no longer had to turn prints in I ended up using the camera less and less…it’s the unfortunate side of being a busy teen.
A few years later I enrolled in a digital photography class. It was my senior year of high school and wanted to take one more “for fun” class. DSLRs (digital single lens reflexes) were still pretty new and very expensive and were therefore unavailable to us at school so most of us in the class used our own point and shoot digital cameras. Not only did we further explore the art of photography but we also learned how to use Photoshop. To this very day, I believe that this was one of those most useful things I learned in all of my schooling.
During the class I mainly focused on outdoor photography and grew to have a preference for it – as opposed to portrait or commercial photography. I still prefer landscape photography but now, with the purchase of my very own Canon Rebel XT, I’ve begun to explore other styles.
I’ve now arrived at one of my two points.
During the past two months I’ve begun to try my hand at concert photography, and I really like it. My first few outings were a little rusty due to having a slow lens (you want to have a fast lens in order to keep your subject in focus while also allowing enough light to expose the image). After learning this, I shopped around for a faster lens and am now producing clearer, more interesting photographs.
I still don’t shoot too often – limited funds play a huge part in that – but this weekend I decided to go to a show, have fun and take some pics. And I’m proud to say I took some great ones! The venue lighting had a lot to do with the awesomeness of the photos but I’d also like to think that I’m becoming more skilled at seeing the photograph before I take it. I don’t know.
I also took some photos for my friend Molly’s Etsy page (http://www.etsy.com/shop/petitedancer25) which got me thinking about maybe trying my hand at headshots. Not because I purposefully took headshots for her but some of them could work for that.
Now, to my second point.
I think I want to create a new website for myself. It would be an all-encompassing site featuring me as a dancer, teacher, choreographer, arts administrator, writer, and photographer. It would be a site dedicated to Lauren Baker, the artist.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Chapter Twelve
February 14, 2010
“You are the key to your own success.”
I got this fortune cookie fortune en route to the Quad Cities – where the first leg of the 2010 TDC tour took place. Versions of this saying have no doubt been told to each and every one of us over the years. And if you’re anything like me, you shrug your shoulders and give a disdainful roll of the eyes to whoever had the galls to give you such advice.
However, I must acknowledge the accomplished feeling I’ve been experiencing lately. I put my foot down and put myself first. No more waiting around for others to figure their lives out; no more silently wishing I could work with certain people; no more being afraid to fall on my face as I run after what I want – be it an aspect of my career, a romantic interest, etc. I know I’m pretty darn special so why would I wait and wait and wait or others to recognize that, too? It’s not worth my time. Just keep pushing forward to the next great thing without compromising who you are and what you believe.
I recently went home for a very short visit. The impetus for said trip changed drastically a few weeks ago but it was without a doubt for the best – and in all honesty was probably more fun this way. Won’t dish details of it here for this is not the forum for such secrets…but I will say I had a blast being deviant with an unexpected but nevertheless very good friend.
Each time I go home for a visit I fall further in love with Minneapolis. I like Chicago and am glad I live here but nothing compares to the city you’ve called home for 22 years. It’s filled with people who know my history and want the best for me. It’s filled with a kind of security that I can’t help but feel thankful for: family, friends and hopefully I won’t sound too conceited for this but there’s a bit of career security there for me, too. (For the record, one doesn’t grow staying in a place of comfort so while I feel secure in Minneapolis it’s a good thing that I’m not living there for the time being).
Because MPLS means so much to me, I believe I am ready to get a MPLS/MN tattoo…I just need an artist. I don’t know if I want the outline of the state (it seems a little overdone) or something else but I do know I want it to be something simple. Subtlety is key. If any of you have come across a cool MN/MPLS image or have a good artist, let me know. I’m thinking of getting it on my side near my ribs (I’m aware it’s going to hurt like a b#@ch but I want it to be in a place where I can easily hide it…and where the skin isn’t likely to stretch out). And it shouldn’t be any larger than the palm of my tiny hand. Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?
That’s it for now. Much love to you all on this cheesy Hallmark holiday.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Chapter Eleven
January 7, 2010
It’s odd – yet completely normal – how life goes on without you. I hadn’t really thought about it before until I came home for the holidays this year.
I’ve been living on my own for four going on five months now and hadn’t gone home in three. The last time I graced the streets of the “Minne Apple” school was beginning. Nothing felt too different because I was home and visited campus (I don’t advise doing that for recent grads…it feels REAL awkward). However, this time around I felt…strange. My sense of self was noticeably different as were my attitudes towards, well, everything. The drama of school, dance and people’s lives, while still important to me, didn’t feel as significant as they used to. Is that maturity? It is disillusionment? I don’t have an answer at the moment.
Disillusion is probably the best way to describe where I’m at in life right now. I feel like I’m at a cusp. A crossroad perhaps. I have to go one way or another. I can’t go backward so therefore I can only go forward. Perhaps I’ve lost taste for home in some respects because home isn’t “home” but neither is Chicago. True, I’m becoming increasingly more comfortable here but I feel that it’s going to take much longer to slip and call it “home.” I believe slips of the tongue hold a certain amount of truth. Freud may have had that right…but I won’t be the one to judge.
I watch as life changes for my closest and dearest friends. Grad school. Moving to larger cities. Getting “real” jobs. Marriage. God help us if someone starts having kids! I think my brain might implode if that happens anytime soon. I don’t know why but I feel as though I’m being left behind on those journeys. I shouldn’t…hell I was the first one to move away and do the “dance thing.” It’s just that I don’t feel like I’ve found my place yet…it still feels like I’m grasping at straws. Maybe the gloom of winter is getting to me. I need a sun lamp.
2010, how will you play out?
It’s odd – yet completely normal – how life goes on without you. I hadn’t really thought about it before until I came home for the holidays this year.
I’ve been living on my own for four going on five months now and hadn’t gone home in three. The last time I graced the streets of the “Minne Apple” school was beginning. Nothing felt too different because I was home and visited campus (I don’t advise doing that for recent grads…it feels REAL awkward). However, this time around I felt…strange. My sense of self was noticeably different as were my attitudes towards, well, everything. The drama of school, dance and people’s lives, while still important to me, didn’t feel as significant as they used to. Is that maturity? It is disillusionment? I don’t have an answer at the moment.
Disillusion is probably the best way to describe where I’m at in life right now. I feel like I’m at a cusp. A crossroad perhaps. I have to go one way or another. I can’t go backward so therefore I can only go forward. Perhaps I’ve lost taste for home in some respects because home isn’t “home” but neither is Chicago. True, I’m becoming increasingly more comfortable here but I feel that it’s going to take much longer to slip and call it “home.” I believe slips of the tongue hold a certain amount of truth. Freud may have had that right…but I won’t be the one to judge.
I watch as life changes for my closest and dearest friends. Grad school. Moving to larger cities. Getting “real” jobs. Marriage. God help us if someone starts having kids! I think my brain might implode if that happens anytime soon. I don’t know why but I feel as though I’m being left behind on those journeys. I shouldn’t…hell I was the first one to move away and do the “dance thing.” It’s just that I don’t feel like I’ve found my place yet…it still feels like I’m grasping at straws. Maybe the gloom of winter is getting to me. I need a sun lamp.
2010, how will you play out?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Chapter ten
December 15, 2009
As the New Year approaches I’m forcing myself to reflect on the past year - as cheesy as that may be. Many aspects of my life and my being have changed since last January. For starters, I graduated from college thus concluding my educational endeavors. That alone is huge! It’s a big deal because it signifies the end of nearly everything I was accustomed to during the past 16 years. I now start a new chapter in my life.
I’ve become more independent since last year. Moving away from the only city you’ve ever really known will do that to a person. With most of my friends several states away, I am forced to go places and do things by myself, which if you recall I never ever did in high school and college. I would rather stay in than go to a show, concert, etc by myself. Now, it’s become no big deal to venture out on my own – exploring a new, unfamiliar city. I also live alone – it wasn’t the original plan but life likes to throw me curve balls every now and than. By living on my own, I have really stepped up began to take pretty good care of myself: I do all of the cleaning, cooking, errand shopping, etc. and I must say, I can be pretty darn domestic now!
I’ve become more selfish in attaining my desires. By this I mean I often think about what it is that makes me happy and what I need to feel fulfilled in life, dance and beyond. Once I’ve determined these things I won’t settle for anything less. I am talented and have a lot to offer so why would I settle for anything but the very best? Yes, compromises have been made and will no doubt continue to be made, but in the grand scheme of things I want what I want and I will stop at nothing to attain those things.
I’ve also become a bit more secretive. It’s not that I have many secrets. Instead it means I no longer feel that all of the intimate details of my life need to be shared with everyone. What I do in my personal life, friend and love life, is my business and I simply don’t feel like I need to share those details with even some of my closest friends and family. Sure, I’ll spill a few things with a certain handful of people but for the most part I’ve learned to not share everything. It’s healthy to distinguish those things, I think.
We shall see what 2010 brings as the year unfolds. I hope to graduate from intern to apprentice with TDC…or find another comparable outlet for my dancing and financial needs if TDC doesn’t pan out the way I hope it will. I also hope to make Chicago my home instead of the place where I temporarily live. But mostly I hope to feel happy, satisfied and fulfilled in all aspects of my life.
As the New Year approaches I’m forcing myself to reflect on the past year - as cheesy as that may be. Many aspects of my life and my being have changed since last January. For starters, I graduated from college thus concluding my educational endeavors. That alone is huge! It’s a big deal because it signifies the end of nearly everything I was accustomed to during the past 16 years. I now start a new chapter in my life.
I’ve become more independent since last year. Moving away from the only city you’ve ever really known will do that to a person. With most of my friends several states away, I am forced to go places and do things by myself, which if you recall I never ever did in high school and college. I would rather stay in than go to a show, concert, etc by myself. Now, it’s become no big deal to venture out on my own – exploring a new, unfamiliar city. I also live alone – it wasn’t the original plan but life likes to throw me curve balls every now and than. By living on my own, I have really stepped up began to take pretty good care of myself: I do all of the cleaning, cooking, errand shopping, etc. and I must say, I can be pretty darn domestic now!
I’ve become more selfish in attaining my desires. By this I mean I often think about what it is that makes me happy and what I need to feel fulfilled in life, dance and beyond. Once I’ve determined these things I won’t settle for anything less. I am talented and have a lot to offer so why would I settle for anything but the very best? Yes, compromises have been made and will no doubt continue to be made, but in the grand scheme of things I want what I want and I will stop at nothing to attain those things.
I’ve also become a bit more secretive. It’s not that I have many secrets. Instead it means I no longer feel that all of the intimate details of my life need to be shared with everyone. What I do in my personal life, friend and love life, is my business and I simply don’t feel like I need to share those details with even some of my closest friends and family. Sure, I’ll spill a few things with a certain handful of people but for the most part I’ve learned to not share everything. It’s healthy to distinguish those things, I think.
We shall see what 2010 brings as the year unfolds. I hope to graduate from intern to apprentice with TDC…or find another comparable outlet for my dancing and financial needs if TDC doesn’t pan out the way I hope it will. I also hope to make Chicago my home instead of the place where I temporarily live. But mostly I hope to feel happy, satisfied and fulfilled in all aspects of my life.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Chapter nine
November 15, 2009
How can so much change happen in two weeks? I really don’t have an answer for that but I’m eternally grateful for all of the new and exciting changes in my life.
I have successfully completed my first Chicago/post-college performance (with Thodos, duh). The show went very well and consequently I am even more excited to perform with “Team Thodos” on the 28 at the Harris Theater. That stage is {insert expletive} huge! It may be larger than the Northrop’s stage…eek! For those of you who have danced with me, you know this girl loves to travel and move big! Needless to say I’m very, very excited to dance across that stage.
These next two weeks mark the final weeks of the Fall/Winter portion of my internship. While I love dancing everyday, I’m in serious need of a break. My body aches all the time and my feet are beginning to rebel. I also am feeling the need to take a Toni Pierce-Sands class (unfortunately, the U’s semester will be over by the time I come home). Boo-erns!
I’m extremely excited to spend time vegging at home, too. I can’t wait to see my SLP and U of M friends again as well as a certain special person. Some people would rather spend their month-long break somewhere warm, but I just want to be home. Although, if home was somewhere warm I think I would prefer going there than visiting the tundra of MN haha.
I guess that’s it for now. I wish I had photos from the dance show to post but my camera decided to hate me and run out of batteries when I got to the theater. I promise to charge the battery before the Harris show.
How can so much change happen in two weeks? I really don’t have an answer for that but I’m eternally grateful for all of the new and exciting changes in my life.
I have successfully completed my first Chicago/post-college performance (with Thodos, duh). The show went very well and consequently I am even more excited to perform with “Team Thodos” on the 28 at the Harris Theater. That stage is {insert expletive} huge! It may be larger than the Northrop’s stage…eek! For those of you who have danced with me, you know this girl loves to travel and move big! Needless to say I’m very, very excited to dance across that stage.
These next two weeks mark the final weeks of the Fall/Winter portion of my internship. While I love dancing everyday, I’m in serious need of a break. My body aches all the time and my feet are beginning to rebel. I also am feeling the need to take a Toni Pierce-Sands class (unfortunately, the U’s semester will be over by the time I come home). Boo-erns!
I’m extremely excited to spend time vegging at home, too. I can’t wait to see my SLP and U of M friends again as well as a certain special person. Some people would rather spend their month-long break somewhere warm, but I just want to be home. Although, if home was somewhere warm I think I would prefer going there than visiting the tundra of MN haha.
I guess that’s it for now. I wish I had photos from the dance show to post but my camera decided to hate me and run out of batteries when I got to the theater. I promise to charge the battery before the Harris show.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Chapter eight
November 1, 2009
Today marks the beginning of the fourth month of my time in Chicago. It’s very strange how times flies. So much has changed since August. Well, maybe not *so* much has changed, but it feels much different now. I have friends who I feel very close to; I’m pretty comfortable dancing with the company now (even though there are times that I still question myself and my skills); I’m becoming more and more familiar with the neighborhoods and general feel of Chicago, yet I’m consistently surprised by how BIG the city is.
It’s pretty cool to get to know a whole new city…although I wish I were able to take advantage of the city’s music/nightlife scene more…I blame it on the fact that it takes forever to get anywhere/get back and on the fact that I refuse to walk around late at night in my neighborhood by myself.
I showed my apartment to some people last week but I am not sure if they still want to sublet it. I haven’t heard from them in half a week so…it makes me think that they’re looking elsewhere for lodging. Boo-erns I say! I had looked at some cute studios and I was really hoping to move into one of them soon. What I want most is to move before it snows here, which could be at any time now. Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t snowed yet with all of the white fluffy stuff MN has been receiving.
You know how sometimes you can feel a big storm coming on? I feel that way right now, only it’s a storm of stress and emotions. Thodos’ first show is in two weeks (Centre East on the 13th and the Harris Theater on the 28th) and this week is our last week of rehearsals before tech. The long nights, the high levels of anxiety and stress…it’s almost tangible and it’s only Sunday. I’m hoping no one lets their emotions get the best of them; I’m hoping everyone remains collected, because it could get real nasty if we’re all frustrated with one another. Not that I think this will actually happen but there is always a possibility of it when we’re spending all day and all night together trying to perfect every little detail. Ah the life of a performer – always striving for perfection when perfection is in fact a myth.
My parents just booked my tickets home for December. I will be coming home on the 16th and will leave the morning of the 28th. If you read between the lines you’ll hear me saying, “Hey MPLS kids, let’s hang out while I’m home because I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit next!”
I guess that’s it for now. I apologize that I haven’t been writing as often as I originally promised. Some how time gets away from me and I become unmotivated to post entries. I will try to be better about this. Until then, keep warm!
Today marks the beginning of the fourth month of my time in Chicago. It’s very strange how times flies. So much has changed since August. Well, maybe not *so* much has changed, but it feels much different now. I have friends who I feel very close to; I’m pretty comfortable dancing with the company now (even though there are times that I still question myself and my skills); I’m becoming more and more familiar with the neighborhoods and general feel of Chicago, yet I’m consistently surprised by how BIG the city is.
It’s pretty cool to get to know a whole new city…although I wish I were able to take advantage of the city’s music/nightlife scene more…I blame it on the fact that it takes forever to get anywhere/get back and on the fact that I refuse to walk around late at night in my neighborhood by myself.
I showed my apartment to some people last week but I am not sure if they still want to sublet it. I haven’t heard from them in half a week so…it makes me think that they’re looking elsewhere for lodging. Boo-erns I say! I had looked at some cute studios and I was really hoping to move into one of them soon. What I want most is to move before it snows here, which could be at any time now. Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t snowed yet with all of the white fluffy stuff MN has been receiving.
You know how sometimes you can feel a big storm coming on? I feel that way right now, only it’s a storm of stress and emotions. Thodos’ first show is in two weeks (Centre East on the 13th and the Harris Theater on the 28th) and this week is our last week of rehearsals before tech. The long nights, the high levels of anxiety and stress…it’s almost tangible and it’s only Sunday. I’m hoping no one lets their emotions get the best of them; I’m hoping everyone remains collected, because it could get real nasty if we’re all frustrated with one another. Not that I think this will actually happen but there is always a possibility of it when we’re spending all day and all night together trying to perfect every little detail. Ah the life of a performer – always striving for perfection when perfection is in fact a myth.
My parents just booked my tickets home for December. I will be coming home on the 16th and will leave the morning of the 28th. If you read between the lines you’ll hear me saying, “Hey MPLS kids, let’s hang out while I’m home because I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit next!”
I guess that’s it for now. I apologize that I haven’t been writing as often as I originally promised. Some how time gets away from me and I become unmotivated to post entries. I will try to be better about this. Until then, keep warm!
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